COOKIES

I sure do like those Christmas Cookies, sugar
I sure do like those Christmas Cookies, babe
The ones that look like Santa Claus
Christmas trees, and bells and stars
I sure do like those Christmas Cookies, babe

"Christmas Cookies" by George Strait

Bella and I have made two batches of Christmas Cookies. My husband says we do not need cookies. We may not need cookies but we need to make some in order for it to feel like Christmas.

When I was a kid I remember making a lot of Christmas cut out cookies. But this experience with Bella has made me realize that this is not a memory from when I was 5, and here is why I know this. When I was 5, my older brother was 6, and after me there was a 4 year old, a 3 year old and a baby. So even contemplating making cut out cookies with this group was insane. These cookie memories are from when I was much older. I also in retrospect don't remember the baking of the cookies as much as the decorating the cookies with various colors of frosting and sprinkles galore. I think I have always been a purist when decorating cookies in that trees are green even if you have other frosting color choices. Snowmen were white, stars were yellow, you get the picture. Bella at five did help me roll the dough-this is hard for a kid but I must have done it sometimes as I know how to do it today and we used my Grandma S's rolling pin. Bella however frustrated me when she did not take note of cookie cutter placement, she would cut right out of the middle and leave lots of space between cut outs so we had to roll out the dough more. We got them cut out and baked. I like my Christmas cut outs thin and crispy. Later I frosted them, one shape at a time so that we did all the trees then all the bells etc. Bella put the sprinkles on. She really did quite well making cookies and I hope we get to do them every Christmas and she has fond memories of it even if we don't "need" cookies!

On the exercise front I have had to take some days off and do only partial workouts because my knee and back have been bothering me. I am back on schedule now. But worried about losing 5 more pounds by the end of the year. We will see.

I find myself in a general state of irritation lately and it is not due to preparations for Christmas it is more to do with dealing with my MIL. My MIL and her husband (who I can't stand) leave for warmer parts in Jan, Feb and March which means that we don't see them for that period of time (sheer bliss in many ways) however since they won't see us for three months they want to see us all the time in December. It drives me Crazy! If we go to the museum they want to go to, it we go see Santa they want to go to, they want to go to swimming lessons and church with us. Christmas for me growing up was about my immediate family, my parents and my siblings. That is what I want now-quiet time with just me, Scott and Bella. My MIL doesn't like this. I also want my family to be mine. My MIL has taken to sending Christmas Cards to my sisters and it bugs the piss out of me. This is my family not hers. Today she is attending a visitation for her nephews wife's brother, because she wants to be supportive. Yet, when her mother died a year ago in January and they were on their winter vacation she did not even come home. She did not feel the need to be supportive of Scott and I as we took care of the arrangements for her own mother.

Scott and I are a mixed religion family. I grew up Methodist and converted to Catholicisms in grad School. Scott started out in the Brethren Church and then do to some incident with his mom they changed to the Lutheran church. We typically attend Catholic Mass. Scott is not entirely comfortable there and they don't have some of the support groups, marriage, parent, men's, bible study etc that we feel we need. I love the rituals of Catholicism but I have had a hard time of late getting much out of it. The messages they preach do not relate to me or the scriptures and we hear way too much on political and financial issues. So we are kind of looking for a new church home. In the end we may not change at all but we are currently looking at the options. Last Sunday and Last night(with my MIL tagging along) we attended the Heartland Church in Rockford. This is a very different, very contemporary church. They have church school for Bella which means Scott and I can go to church and participate and hear with out the distractions of our darling daughter who has problems sitting still and being quiet. The pastor is a good speaker, his message relates to life and the scriptures, but I am not sure I can get past the casual dress. The music is too contemporary and too loud for me. Traditional Hymns should sound like traditional hymns. The seating is auditorium style there are huge projection screens. There are no candles, no kneelers, no Lords Prayer, no hymnals or bibles, no religious icons and they let you drink coffee during the service. I miss what is tradition. I think we will go here a few more times but I don't think it is the place for us. It is a huge congregation but they have lots of retreats and study groups etc, which is one of the things we were really looking for. We will see.

I am off work all next week-home with Isabella who is off from School. Hopefully we will get to do some fun stuff. While we will be busy Christmas Eve with Scott's family in Belvidere and at Scott's moms on Christmas Day we have no plans for New Years Eve or New Years day. Scott's brother and his family will be here from TX so hopefully we will spend some time with them.

I am hoping to get some things done around the house as well so I can start 2008 with a clean organized house.

Have a great holiday.

SNOW

LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW

I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS

Well last night we had our third snow fall in 6 days so I am hoping for a white Christmas. I grew up in Wisconsin, There is suppose to be snow on the ground come December 25th.

I remember when I was a child that not having snow for Christmas would put us into somewhat of a panic. After all how was Santa going to land his sleigh without snow? Sleighs have runners they are supposed to be on snow. Incidentally I never gave much thought to the fact that a large portion of the world does not have snow. I remember Christmas without snow just a brown, barren cold landscape or one year an ice coated surrounding. There have even been Christmases where it wasn’t even all that cold. I’m sure these Christmases were disappointing to me. Nothing puts me in the Christmas spirit more than drifts and flurries and flocked trees.

I spent two Christmases in Africa as a Peace Corps volunteer and no those Christmases were not white, but they were very different in lots of other ways as well. My first Christmas away I spent in the capital and went to the beach. My second Christmas I spent in my village. I showed my neighbor kids how to cut snowflakes and we made paper chains from Newsweek international until we ran out of glue. I remember that I could not get any eggs in my village the week of Christmas and had to go all the way to the next village. My mom always made cinnamon rolls for both Christmas morning and Easter morning so I made a batch of those, they didn’t raise very well as you never knew how good the yeast would be. My neighbors thought they were terrific! Christmas Eve that year fell on a Sunday and I had gone to church that Sunday morning and really nothing about the church was different than any other Sunday. I was still the only white girl; people behind me still petted my hair, etc. That evening when I went to Christmas Eve Mass there was a breathtakingly beautiful Nativity set up in the front of the Church. Here in the US on Christmas Eve we light candles and dim the lights during silent night. That was not necessary as the church in my village had no electricity and the aisles were lit by kerosene lamps parishioners had brought with the. Silent Night in English or in French is beautiful and meaningful. The church in my village also did not have any glass in the windows so bats where swooping in and out during the service. Perhaps bats swooped in to look at the Christ Child too all those years ago in Bethlehem. Yes I was away from my family and all the commercialism of Christmas, there was no white Christmas, there was no tree, no lights and yet it remains one of my most memorable Christmases ever.

Her is hoping all your Christmas are white or at least memorable.

HAPPY ST NICHOLAS DAY!!!

Today is St. Nicholas Day. We had Bella put out the little Ukraine shoes she came home in and we put staw in them for St. Nicholas' horse. This morning she has a candy cane, some chocolate gold coins and a santa ornament. She is also getting a small nativity of her own. Hopefully she will leave mine alone. I left out her little tree and the box of Ukrainian ornaments.

Our little princess is having a very hard time a school. Her teacher called me at work the other day to report that Bella had said a bad word "dammit". The teacher did not hear her say it but the other kids did. She is being disruptive by talking and getting out of her seat. The teacher said she is smart and knows the rules and consequences but she continues to "make poor chooices". Her teacher stated that Time outs do not work with Bella. I was also told that things are worse when she is with Alida, another child in her class. We are now on the daily note thing. I feel bad for Bella and I feel like I somehow failed her. I did ask the teacher if she felt we were at the point of changing classrooms or even schools and she said no. The teacher asked how she was at home but she is an only child so she is only interacting with adults at home. She does go to story time and swim lessons, and honestly there are times when she doesn't listen or sit still at story time. I however am at a real loss of what to do. When the note home is Un-happy faces there will be no TV. We will work instead on worksheets trying to get Bella to focus on a task, sit still and not talk. We will see how it goes. The teacher did not have any suggestions for us. I am a little disappointed by this in that she has been teaching kindergarten for years and I have only been a mom for four years so you would think that she might have some suggestion. We sure hope we can find a way to help her. We do ask her to not sit or play with Alida, but I don't like doing that.

I am still exercising regularly. I did start a new Tae bo tape on the first and I like this one as it has some different routines. When I was out shopping last Saturday I found the Tae Bo ammped set at Lines and Things and I asked for that for Christmas. I also asked for a new purse and some new towels for my downstairs bathroom. I think I will have to get the basement organized so there is space to exercise down there as the sun porch is getting very very cold.

Yesterday Scott went shopping and got Bella's present from Santa. She is getting a doll house. I think she will love it!

We have our tree up and some of the other decorations, I will try to get the rest this weekend. This weekend is the Holiday Traditions at Midway Village. Bella and I plan to go. Sunday is Cookie day at my brothers. I hope the weather stays good or else I am not going.

Last weekend we had snow here. It started out as nice fluffy snow but then turned to slop and rain. We went to Tinker Swiss Cottage for the Christmas Event but all we got was a tour, It was pretty. After the museum we went to lunch at Granite City which is a new place here. It was actually nice. This is the first time we have really taken Bella out to eat since the incident in October. We plan on going out this coming Monday as well for Scott's Birthday.

Happy belated 40th birthday to my sister. I hope the next 40 are terrific!

Joan

NOVEMBER IS ALMOST OVER

Yes we will soon be entering the last month of 2007. I am still hoping to enter 2008 at less than 200 pounds. I last weighed in at 207 pounds. December of course is one of the months where it is so easy to be overfed. With parties and treats at work etc. I am just hoping that my committment to exercise ovet the past two months will help carry me through in December.

I have been busy but still keeping up with tae bo each day. On Saturday I will change tapes.

The weekend of the 17th and 18th I went Christmas Shopping in Cedarburg with my siblings. A weekend a way shopping with no kids has been a tradition with the four of us for many years. We use to go the first weekend in November because Mark and I use to work at Lands' End and we needed to get our shopping done early because once Peak started at Lands' End it was difficult to find time to shop. I got some things but not everything I needed. Bella and I had gone out a weekend or so ago and got wrapping paper, tape, ribbon bows and tags so we are ready to wrap.

Our Thanksgiving was ok. We went to Scott's mom's house for dinner with the Belvedere Meyers and Heuers. The Pakers won! It was ok but I can feel just general irritation with Scott's mom and her husband Carl creeping in just as it did last year. I hate that feeling.

I did go out shopping to Wal-Mart and the World Market on Friday but not until after lunch. I got the PJs I needed for Scott's nieces and Scotts Birthday and Christmas presents bought. We got our chocolate advent calendars,our ginger snap cookies and some electric reindeer wine. Bella even bought her cousins and grandma something.

On Saturday I worked on cleaning the basement and Scott brough the tree up. Sunday we took Bella to get her picture taken with Santa and we went to the tree lighting ceremony.

The week at work has been spent getting caught up on the contracts data base as I have not really worked on that for months as I was working on the policy database.

I found a Panattone recipe that I plan on trying this weekend. I am also looking for a book about panattone called "Tony's Bread" and a book on St Nicholas. I have not found a St. nicholas statute that I could afford so I have an idea about making one.

This weekend we will probably decorate the tree, go to the festival of lites, light our advent candles, go to The Christmas traditions event at Tinker Swiss Cottage and maybe get some wrapping done and get the Christmas Cards taken care of. We will be busy.

Have a great day.

ADOPTION DAY & PROJECT ROLL OUT

Four years ago today we went to court in the Ukraine and were declared the parents of Isabella. I remember the day was cold and cloudy and after court we met the Massmans who also adopted their daughter from the same orphanage. We then went to Boyarka for some paper work and then to Isabella's birth city, Bila Tserkva to get a new birth certificate naming Scott and I as her parents. It was a long day, an emotional day and sometimes boring as we spent a great deal of time in the car. We did not see Isabella on Adoption day. Our court date was on a Friday so we did not think we would get to pick her up from the orphanage until Monday. We were wrong as we picked up Isabella from the baby house on the 15th-Gotcha Day! It is hard to believe that 4 years have passes and our 15 month old is now a 5 year old in Kindergarten. We are so blessed to have her. With out the miracle of Adoption I do not know what my life would be like today. Thankfully everyday I can say I am the mom to the most precious girl in the world. My friend J's baby boy is almost exactly the age Bella was when we took her from the orphange. I hope she realizes what a priviledge it has been to have her child since birth and all the milestones that entails. I do not have that with Bella, While this makes me sad, I feel that being her mom the last 4 years has been invaluable and I would not trade it for anything. I hope to load some picture to our adoption site tonight. Our adoption site is WWW.caringbridge.org/il/meyerukraineadopt.

In other news the policy project I started in May has reached its firs milestone in that it went live yesterday on the Intranet at the Health System and it seems to be working well. This was a HUGE project. It involved a lot of reading, typing, comparing documents and hounding people for current signed policies in both paper form and microsoft word. I ended up with a database with 1200+ policies. I know there are still policies out there to track down and load but this was a huge undertaking and I am glad phase one is done and also proud that it turned out so well. When they assigned me this project I was given a July 31st deadline but I told them it would take me to atleast November and It did.

I am still exercising everyday. I weighed in at 208 pounds this morning. I am sure shooting for my goal of less than 200 pounds by the end of the year. I will be going shopping with my siblings this weekend and I am really looking forward to that.

As part of the roll out for this policy project we had three training sessions on Monday at which I had to demonstrate the site. Which meant I had to stand in front of an auditorium audience with my backside to them. I am sure they were all thinking that I have like the widest butt in the county! I am hoping this will keep me motivated.

Have a great day!

IS IT THURSDAY ALREADY?

Last Friday I was off work so Scott could go to a respiratory conference. I had a dentist appointment in the morning. I raked part of the yard. Got Bella on the school bus then went to the scrapbook store and out to lunch by myself. I had a nice salad at Applebees without fighting with my 5 year old to eat or sit still or stop talking. It was nice. I got Bella off the school bus and finished raking the yard and the laundry.

On Saturday I went to an all day scrap booking event at an area church. I got a lot of pages done. My friend J went too. Scott and Bella went to see the Bee movie. I did not hear too much about the movie more about the fact that Bella had to go to the bathroom twice.

On Sunday I did my housework and then we took Bella to lunch at Qdoba-the service was bad and the food was cold. I complained on their web site and they are sending us a voucher. I think the guy working was new, he sure was slow. After lunch we went to the train show at the museum. The packers win!

Monday there was no school so Bella spent the afternoon at grandmas. Tuesday was swimming. Last night I watched the CMA awards and tonight I am going to the Christmas open house at Village Green with my friend T. No real plans for the weekend except the usual housework, make a Christmas shopping list and make arrangements to have photos taken for our Christmas Card.

4 years ago today our Bella turned 15 months old in the Boyarka baby house and some strangers came visiting everyday. We are quickly approaching "Adoption" day on November 14th, "Gotcha day" on the 15th and "Citizenship" day on November 21st. November is National Adoption month and the month that Scott and I began our journey as parents. It is hard to believe it has been 4 years already. I cannot imagine our life without our Ukrainian Princess. The other day I found a Ukrainian St. Nicholas cookie cutter and Bella came home from school with the book "The Mitten" which is a Ukrainian fold tale. Her big question these days is "What did I do as a baby?" And I tell her she did all the same things all babies do-eat,sleep, pee in their diaper, play, cry etc. Then she will say "No, What didn't I like when I was a baby?" Then I tell her she did not like the bathtub or riding in the car or ice cream. She already knows all these things, but she asks anyway.

Exercise is still a go for me. I am on the new Tae bo tape and liking it-no push ups at the end of it. I gave my walk fitness tapes to someone in my office to use, she said I was inspiring her to exercise-never expected that but go me! I have not weighted myself this week as the great illusionist is visiting. One its gone I will get on the scale again.

Work is crazy busy as we have training sessions on Monday for the data base roll out on Tuesday. I am still loading policies today.

Have a great rest of the week.

32 DAYS WITH BILLY AND COUNTING

On October first I vowed to do my Billy Blanks Tae Bo workout everyday for the month of October. I did great! Except yesterday I overslept and was only able to do 30 min of the tape. My reward for exercising everyday in October was a new pair of exercise shoes however since I missed part of my workout yesterday I guess that will have to be my reward for November. I did get up this morning to work out and I switched tapes.

I like Tae Bo. Prior to adopting our precious Isabella, Scott and I both went regularly to a kick boxing class. It is good to work out frustrations. I like the workout but it is hard. After doing it for a month I have the following Comments: 1.) Whenever Billy looks at the camera and says "are you ready" I always say "no". 2.)I am not sure about those shinny work out pants her wears. 3.) Billy is a rotten cue-er (sp?)-if you say one more set that means one more set not 3 more. 4.) Billy's daughter Shelly is front and center and does a lot of the counting of reps-she is very skinny, blond and white, She is actually Billy's step daughter. 5.) some of the folks exercising on this tape are annoying and the guy in the wheel chair is just distracting. 6.) I hate the 25 sit ups at the end but like how Billy says "look at you, not that long ago you couldn't even get off the couch". 7. I have poor balance. 8.) According to Billy you never have to go to the floor to get great abs. 9.) I can only lift my knee so high before it bumps into that big roll of fat I have around my middle. 10.) I don't do jumping jacks because none of the bras I have are industrial strength enough to keep the ladies from bouncing all over the place.

After I have been doing the new tape for awhile I will let you know how that is going.

As for weight I only lost about 3 pounds in October which probably means I am still "over fed". I try to do well, but when I am stressed I really turn to food.

TRICK OR TREATING AND THE GREAT PET TOUR

Last night after supper the three of us put on our costumes and one jack-0-lantern, one Cat-in-the-hat and one very cute mermaid went down our street and up the other side trick-or-treating. Last year Bella got a few things in her bag and was ready to go home and see what she had, this year she was out to get candy! We have a lot of elderly people on our block, many of them wanted to know if we lived on the street we are like yes, down at the end-we have lived here about 18 months. A lot of people on our street have cats and/or dogs and every house we went to once the Halloween formality was over Bella would say "can I see your dog" or "can I pet your cat" She got quite a bag of stuff considering we didn't go that far. I will try and post photos soon. We lit our jack-o-lanterns when we got home and Bella and Scott spent the rest of the evening handing out candy. We did not really have that many trick-or-treaters however as I only had 36 little bags of M & M and we still had some left over. Incidentaly Bella had a dentist appointment yesterday morning and she got a good report.

PROJECT ROLL-OUT

For months now I have been working on a project to create a database of all policies for the Health System where I work. Yesterday morning we had a roll-out meeting and demonstration that did not go so well. I think people liked the site and the search function but they were not happy about some of the missing content-not my fault-these people had a lot of input at the meeting but no cooperation as I was building the site. They think we need more training opportunities for staff. So we have changed the roll out date and scheduled 3 training sessions, however the quality person responded that she felt we needed like 15 sessions and on all shifts. Thankfully, my boss the VP of Legal responded by saying that Legal could not do that much training. We have been on this project for far too long already.

That's all for now. Have a great day!

STORY TIME AND PUMPKIN CARVING

Last night I got home about an hour late and expected that supper would be ready but it wasn't. We had tilapia and sweet potatoes. Then we walked to the Library for story time. The theme was Hippos. My friend Traci was there with her son Colin as well as the other families we normally see. When we got home we carved our pumpkins. I did most of the carving. So we have 3 jack-o-lanterns for our front steps. Bella's has a smily face, mine has a toothy grin and Scott's just has a big mouth-Scott is not a great carver but it might have been better if he had stayed in the dinning room with us during this family event instead of taking his pumpkin and carving knife into the living room so he could watch TV. When we were done. We put in candles and put them on the front stoop. I put them on the porch this morning so that the squirrels wouldn't munch on them during the day today. I cleaned up the dining room while Scott continued to watch TV when he could have been giving Isabella a bath. Then I cleaned up the rest of dinner dishes and gave Bella a bath and put her to bed. I checked in on the packer game on the TV on the sun porch and I went to bed. I was pretty pissed at my husband. Then he wonders why I feel I am not very high on his priority list. You can't just tell me I am important to you as your actions always speak louder than words. About 11:30 last night Bella woke up crying for mommy. I went in there and she said her ear hurt so I gave her some children's tylenol and a hot water bottle and a bucket just in case she needed it and covered her up and she went back to sleep. However she wanted a sippy cup of water and I could not find a sippy cup anywhere but the last time I was in Scott's workout room I saw a few out there so I sent Scott out to get one. He was not happy about that and he seems to think she wakes up not feeling good in the night time just so he doesn't get a good nights sleep-well BOO HOO welcome to parenthood.

The Packers win!

I am on day 30 of exercise. GO ME!

A WEEK GOES BY

A week sure seems to go by quickly.

Last Wednesday I took my car in to Saturn and the Maintenance guy couldn't even get the key to turn let alone start the car. I thought it was rather funny since when I called last Monday to make the appointment, they asked if there were any other issues and I stated that sometimes the key did not turn at all. There response to this was "do you turn the steering wheel?" I thought you knuckle heads! That is not the problem but I don't think they believed me until they couldn't get the key to turn either even if you turned the steering wheel HA! Anyway they put in a new coolant sensor and a new key cylinder and a few other things to the turn of $800 plus-as if that was in my budget! The car is running well. If you have your car serviced at Saturn they wash it for you, I sure wished that they vacuumed it out as well. Also I don't know why but every time I drive the car my hands end up smelling like gas or grease. I have washed off the steering wheel, the door handle, the shifter and the keys and still I end up with that smell on my hands.

Last Wednesday we also had a couples counseling appointment. It went OK, but I am still frustrated by how my husband comments on everything, he makes fun of me when I am not feeling well or on the exercise I choose. He is a great help with the housework and yard work but there are still boxes to be sorted in both the garage and the basement that his failure to help me with says to me that he thinks I should just do it myself. It also bothers me that he doesn't want to do a lot as a family and when we do he is really grouchy about it. Like last week when we went to the museum to go trick or treating It was like I had 2 five year olds the way Scott and Bella bicker. He has no patients for her at all. Scott's idea of family time is going to the movie or watching TV together. He seldom reads to Bella and complains constantly if she wants to play one of her games over and over. He complains that story time is not very fun-well it isn't great fun for us as grown-ups but it is really good for our child. My idea of family fun is going for a walk or to the park or library or museum. I like to get outside and I think it is good for Bella.

Our budget is really tight right now and since I am such a worrier I am the one who is stressing out about all this. Our bank just sent us a note and stated that we had too much money in our escrow account and were going to cut us a check. We could use the money but I am sure the bank is wrong on their calculations because we got our real estate tax assessment and our taxes went up and they did not account for that in their calculations. Lucky for us I think our Home owners insurance is cheaper than what they have in their estimate because once we got our electrical updated last fall we got a better rate because we could get our insurance from the same place we get our car insurance. I think we should take the extra money from our escrow account and put it in a separate account somewhere in case we have a short fall next year.

On the exercise front I am still exercising in the mornings 29 day and counting. However i have only lost a couple of pounds. I am going to try and cut calories as well in November and increase the workouts as well.

Bella had a pretty good week of school last week as she had 3 days with no time outs and the teacher sent home a good note to us. We are pleased with that. She was not very good at the sitters however on Friday as Karshon said she wasn't listening. She slept over 12 hours Friday night so I had hoped she would be better on Saturday. Boy was I wrong! We took her to see the Pet Costume contest. She loves dogs and cats and evidently bunnies and rats too. She had a great time but keeping track of her was hard as she would wonder off to look at something. Then I put her tail on her with the harness and she was constantly pulling on it and whining about it. After the pet costume contest we went out to lunch at the Golden Coral-Grandma and Carl go there all the time, but not on Saturday at lunch and we now know why. It is expensive and the price does not include your drink. It was OK for that type of meal but too expensive. The worst part was after paying $17+ Bella had a absolutely tremendous fit! I have never seen her this bad-Crying and whining and laying on the floor all because she had to sit next to me instead of Grandma. I should have just taken her home! She did straighten up and ate but would still not stay in her chair and she smeared Jello all over her face! We had to stop on the way home to get her friend Colin a birthday present and she was obnoxious at the store. touching things and talking and saying inappropriate things! I was exasperated. When she got home she did several consecutive time outs. I would put her in the corner for 5 minutes for one offense then let her get up and then we would talk about her behavior and she would get another time out. Then she had supper and a bath and we sat down and wrote a list of what she needed to do between Sat night and Sunday afternoon if she wanted to go to Colin's birthday party and then I sent her to bed. She did really well at accomplishing her list including calling Grandma and Carl and apologizing for her behavior on Saturday. I did let her go to Colin's party at the Discovery Center and she behaved well and had a nice time even though she got a sliver in her hand. We raked part of our yard when we got home.

Bears lose and the Packers play Monday night Football this week. I have no time for TV tonight. Scott is going to get Bella started on supper early so we can carve our pumpkins tonight and hopefully still make it to story time. We will see. I spoke to Scott a little bit ago and he said he got her sliver out. She was crying and wanted a band aid, Scott is yelling at her. He needs to show a little more patients and compassion in dealing with her. Once I came home and she was sitting at the table with her head down almost asleep and Scott was complaining she wasn't eating and Bella was claiming her tummy hurt and he is expecting her to eat a taco. Who gives a child a taco when they are complaining that their stomach hurts? It wasn't logical and it wasn't compassionate and then he wonders why she prefers me to him-I would to!

Last Tuesday when we went to swimming lessons we got there and somehow had lost the suit out of the swim bag, Bella is wailing because she can't go to swimming lessons so I bought her a new suit there. $28 for a kids swim suit-she better wear it for awhile.

This week is shaping up to be busy as well as I have already stated tonight's plans, plus swim lessons and Woodman's shopping on Tuesday, Bella has a dentist appointment Wednesday morning and trick or treating on Wednesday night-plus a party at school. Thursday we have no real plans but Friday I am off work and Scott is going to an all day respiratory conference and I have a dentist appointment and I need to get ready for the all day scrap I am going to on Saturday. And the best news of all my policy project is coming to an end, it will go live on the intranet where I work on the 6Th so I have roll out meetings scheduled this week. I am sure once it goes live we will get lots of phone calls especially since we are missing about 130 nursing policies. I have been on this project since late May and will be glad when this phase is over. The actually maintaining of the data base will never end but I am anticipating that it will get easier.

Wow that is a lot of information. I know I started this blog thinking I would write more often and about more weighty stuff like what I am thinking and feeling and how successful or not the battle of the bulge is, maybe soon. I know I have some faith ideas I would like to share. until then have a great day!

MY SILLY GIRL

Sometimes we get so caught up in the day to day race that is work, housework, school etc. that we forget to stop and see what is really in front of our eyes.

This Saturday morning Bella was suppose to be picking up her toys in the sun room but when I peaked out to see what she was doing she was sitting in the bean bag chair wearing miss matched pink pajamas and purple slippers with her Easter bonnet playing with the see and say. On Sunday she was outside in her barbie dress up dress with the cape over her head like a veil, pushing her baby doll around in the stroller while clomping around in her Cinderella shoes. Later she had her baby doll in the highchair under a big black umbrella in the living room. She sure can drag out a lot of stuff but she sure is cute!

I finished making her mermaid costume on Saturday. She was quite frustrated by how many times I had her try it on to check to make sure it was the right length, tight enough at the waist etc. It is really cute, but I need to re-think the closure on the top and also find her a shirt to wear underneath as it will be too cold to have a bare tummy on Halloween. Saturday afternoon we went trick or treating at Midway Village and Museum center. I use to work there so I am familiar with all the events and we have a family membership. Each of the buildings has a business sponsor who provides treats and then you trick or treat throughout he village. The weather was perfect!

Sunday we spent doing house work and yard work. Everything looks nice for now. Scott watched the football game while Bella and I went to get our pumpkins.

The Bears win- The Packers have the week off.

I have been exercising for 22 days strait but the scale is not really going down. Only 9 more days until I can reward myself with new work out shoes.

Have a great day & God Bless.

ANOTHER NOTE & CAR TROUBLES

Yesterday Bella had another note in her backpack from her teacher, Mrs. L. Basically it said she had 3 time outs yesterday the first two were because she would not stop talking on two separate occasions during two separate lessons after she had been asked to stop talking. The third time was because she whispered a "bad word" to another kid. Mrs. L ended the note by stating that she hoped Bella's behavior gets better. Now Scott and I both took a little offense at this letter. I am not doubting the time out for the failure to stop talking when asked to as Bella is a real talker. The third one I would first like to say that I asked Bella about this and she said the bad word was "Shit, Booty" This is a strange combination for my daughter as we don't say "shit" at our house in any context. We usually say poop. We do say booty but I am not sure booty is really a bad word. The second thing is either Bella is a poor whisperer or Mrs. L has great hearing or Mrs. L is relying on what another kid said and I don't go for punishing a kid based solely on what one kid said as kids are prone to make up things especially if it will keep themselves out of trouble. I guess this happened when Mrs. L was reading a story and the kid was sitting behind Bella. I don't know if other kids are getting time outs or if Bella is the only one in her class that ever does these things. I don't know if she regularly gets a time out and we only heard about this time because she had 3 time outs in one day. I am not even sure what a time out is in the classroom. I still feel that Mrs. L just doesn't like my child and I wonder if we should ask to be moved to a different classroom. By the way her last note from school was because she threw a block and hit another kid in the head. She would have gotten sent to the principles office except the teacher did not actually see her throw the block. Why is Bella having such a hard time in kindergarten? What have I done wrong, what am I doing wrong?

In addition to worrying about Bella at school. I am having problems with my car not starting right away sometimes. I went on line and I guess this is a common problem with the Saturn S series. And there were lots of possible explanations on the message boards, including battery, alternator, battery cables, fuel pump, fuel filter, alternator, ignition switch and spark plugs. The last time I went to the Saturn dealer they put my car on the machine and could not tell me why my service engine light was on, but of course they still charged me for it. Later when getting my oil changed, the guy there said my light was on because I had a leak in my emissions box. What is the emissions box anyway? Since the problem does not happen all the time and I can get it started by putting my foot on the gas pedal I thinking it may be a fuel issue so I think I will get the battery tested and replace the fuel filter and see how it goes. It is just really annoying.

I got the rest of the supplies for Bella's costume last night so my plan is to work on that this evening.

Still exercising every morning-Go Me!

EXERCISE

Wow it has been over a week since I posted here. This morning I weighed 211 which is down from 213.5 that I was a few weeks back. I have consistently exercised every morning for 16 days straight. I am still working on my goal of working everyday for the month of October with my reward being a new pair of workout shoes. I am pretty happy about my progress. I still am not drinking enough water and still eat somethings I probably shouldn't like pop corn at the movies but over all things are better. For example Bella and I went to the Hospital sponsored fall festival on Saturday and then afterwards we stopped and did some shopping. Since it was around dinner time when we got done I would have normally stopped and had supper somewhere but in the interest of my diet and my budget we went home.


My mom has been in the hospital recently so we made a trip to Madison to see her and then did a quick tour of the zoo. My sister came down for the regatta on Saturday and we had fajitas and margaritas for dinner. On Sunday my niece S participated int he Regatta and her team came in 8Th of 17. My brother Mark came down too and he stayed for supper. I had made beef stew in the crock pot. Bella said I did a good job and had a second serving as her bed time snack.

This past weekend we had plans to go to the pumpkin patch with friends but it rained so we just got together for chili and talked and watched the football game. The Bears lose-The Packers win! That is a good Sunday of Football.

This week I will be making Bella's Halloween costume-Wish me luck.

Today is bosses day but we had a pot luck yesterday as my boss is out of the office today. It was all good.

Today we are also having someone come to hopefully install the garage door opener on the second garage so both Scott and I can park inside.

Take care and have a great day!

EXERCISE, DIET,WATER & SLEEP

Hi,

Just a quick update. First of all the scale on Monday morning was less than friendly with a 213 reading. I think I am going up rather than down. I have gotten up the last 4 mornings in a row and exercised for an hour. I have been experimenting with a new breakfast routine that includes protein, dairy, whole wheat and fruit. I'm trying to cover all the bases when getting my start to the morning. I have also been packing fruit, yogurt, string cheese and shredded wheat for snacks. We had a birthday this week at work and I did indulge in a piece of pie. I cannot seem to get 8-8oz glasses of water in each day I am falling really short. I do drink decaf tea during the day so I think that may count. We tried a new fish recipe this week and it was really good so I am sure we will try that again. As for sleep I am trying to get to bed a little earlier so I am ok to get up by 5:30 to exercise. I have also been trying to take the stairs more at work. Hopefully my efforts will pay off. I am back to recording everything on my daily tally sheet too.

In other news. The guy we have working on the house is about done. I will be glad when the upstairs bathroom is done because I want to take a bubble bath.

We had parent conferences on Monday. We met with Bella's teacher and according to her report there are quite a few areas she needs to improve on however the teacher did not give us any suggestions to help her. She simply stated that Bella needed to learn to make better choices.

This weekend is the Regatta in Rockford and my niece's rowing team is competing so I am expecting my sister Sonya to be here Saturday and my brother Mark to come down on Sunday.

Last Saturday Bella and I went to Wisconsin for the day and boy were we busy. We stopped in Janesville at the Rotary Gardens, then had lunch at Pizza Hut in Dodgeville before heading to the nursing home to seem my mom. We visited with her for a couple of hours and then drove to Madison and visited Olbrecht Gardens-it was absolutely gorgeous. After the garden we stopped by my friend L's house. As usual it was great to see her! She is always a great boost to my ego and makes me feel so much more positive about things. I really love you L! Thanks for being my friend. We did not get home until very late! on Sunday morning we went to breakfast with D & C. The bears lose the Packers win!

My dad called early Sunday Morning to tell me that my mom had been taken to the hospital by ambulance as they thought she may have a clot in her arm. It wasn't thankfully but I guess they will be moving her to dialysis 5 days per week. My aunt N called on Sunday evening to ask how mom was. She is so nosey and irritating. It there was something for her to know someone would have called her!

That's about it for today!

God Bless.

Power Outage

Last night our power went out just as Isabella was eating her bedtime snack of applesauce. She started crying. I asked her what the problem was and she said she didn't know where I was. I told her I was sitting next to her the same place I was before the power went out. I have noticed recently that she seems to get a little panicked if we go somewhere and I am out of site whether it is at the park or the library or even at home. She has also started asking if I can rock her in the rocky chair. We have not rocked in the rocking chair since before we moved. She wants me to hold her snuggled up in a blanket and then she always wants to talk about "somefing". I told Scott that I think these are signs of a little bit of insecurity as schedules change plus we were pretty stern about talking with her about her behavior issue at school. For now I will just take pleasure in the fact that she needs me at least for a little while.

Lucky for us the candle lighter was on the counter and I knew where some candles were. We looked out the window and the neighborhood was dark so we knew it was not just us. Unfortunately I was talking to Scott when the power went out and since we have Vonage as our phone service it goes out when the electricity goes out.

I put Bella to bed with a candle in her room and she went right to sleep. I imagine she was tired as they had a field trip to the Apple Orchard and then we had swimming lessons and we went to Woodman's shopping. The power was off for about an hour and a half. I got up when the power came on-blew out the candles in Bella's room and in the bathroom and went back to bed.

I actually feel like I am having a power outage these days too. I could not get up this morning to exercise. The alarm went off and I knew that Denise Austin has aerobics on Lifetime every morning and I was going to try that but I could not get up. I finally got us at 6:30 to take a shower and get ready for work. I have been feeling pretty tired lately. I know I probably don't get enough sleep. I usually go to bed around 10:00 and I am up between 5:30 and 6:30. However I know I am one of those people who need about 9 hours to feel good. I have even been sleeping in on the weekends which is not typical for me. I keep seeing those ads in magazines and infomercials about detoxifying your body. These ads claim that the sluggish feeling people (like me) have is from your body being toxic. In some ways what they are saying makes sense but Scott and I were discussing it and he thought maybe they cleansed out some of the good stuff your body needs in the process. I don't know, Anyone else hear about this or tired it?

I imagine other things are or could be causing this lack of energy as well. Not eating properly which means I may not be getting the vitamins and minerals I need and I have a hard time remembering my vitamins. I am also a perpetual worrier. So these problems with Bella at school, financial concerns about paying for the roof and the rest of the new furnace are also weighing me down. I am really bored at work but keep plugging away at the what seems to be the never ending policy project. I am missing friends who I don't see and feeling kind of Isolated. So maybe all of this is contributing to this tiredness I feel. When do you decide however that it is not just normal tiredness and you need to see your doctor?

Anyone else having a power outage?

UPDATE

Hi,

Just an update on a few things:

KINDERGARTEN-Scott sent a note in Bella's back pack the other day asking about Bella's behavior and the teacher sent us back a note stating that the problem had been that Bella was grabbing on to kids and not letting them go-I guess that is "attacking" but she said it is getting better. She also stated that Bella is a very social girl but is learning when she needs to be quiet and when its OK to talk. This all makes it sound to me as if this is all just adjustment to new setting, people and routine. Lets hope so. The other thing that happened at school that night that I forgot to mention is that her teacher stated that she gets Bella and another girl mixed up because they are both blond and petite. I felt like she was labeling my daughter as the little dumb blond girl-lets hope not. They must be studying the letter D and the color green this week and they have a field trip to the apple orchard today. I sent the DCFS sheet that our pediatrician did for school and now the school is telling us they need a full immunization record. Scott is dropping it off at the pediatricians office today-hopefully they will be able to fill it out and get it back to us quickly-we have to have it turned in by the 12Th of October or else Bella won't be able to go to school. I had a dream the other night that we turned in the immunization form but that the school called DCFS about us because our daughter did not have the proper immunization during the first year of her life. We of course do not know what she had the first year of her life and chose at the suggestion of our then pediatrician to re do all her immunizations once we got home from Ukraine, which means her immunization record does not start until she was 15 months old. I hope this is really a dream and not something that could really happen.

ROOF: Well we are getting close to having a new roof on the front of our house. The roofer did encounter some problems once he got all the old shingles (one layer of wood shingles and two layers of asphalt shingle) off in that some of the boards were rotten and needed to be replaced and there was no flashing or water and ice shield and he had to take off the siding on the dormers. So it is costing us a little more and it is taking a little longer. He tried to get siding to match our current siding but couldn't, lucky for us there was a couple of pieces of siding in our garage that he could use. I think he will finish outside today and start the new ceiling in our upstairs bathroom tomorrow.

VCR-yes I have figured out the VCR so that I can now do my exercises and while I have not exercised everyday I am at least doing some on some days. Bella got me up to exercise on the weekend. I even did kickboxing one day. I am still not in control of my eating, but I have done some reading up on various diets.

Weekend-We had a really nice weekend. Friday night we went to the movie "Daddy Day Camp" on Saturday I mopped and vacuumed, did laundry and ran the dishwasher. Bella, Grandma, Carl and I went to the apple orchard for a few hours, Scott stayed home to rest, exercise and then he swept and mopped the sun porch. Saturday evening we were at the Sprays for their daughter Olivia's birthday party. On Sunday we went to the World War II event at the museum and then out to lunch. I came home and rested because I had a headache and Scott and Bella went to the park. Bella and I played games in the evening while Scott watched the Bear's game. Packers are 3-0 got to love that!

Scott and I have a counseling appointment tomorrow evening. We will see how that goes. One of the suggestions from our last meeting was for us to write things down. We did get a notebook and it has helped but has by no means solved the problem. Scott has to remember what he read and he has to write to I can read it.

Hopefully I will have more diet and exercise news next time as I weighed myself this morning at 213 Yikes! and then someone brought in donuts for their birthday!

Kindergarten has gotten ugly

Last Thursday night we had a family event at Isabella's school-Parker Center. Families were invited for hot dogs, chips and juice and given the opportunity to meet the teacher, visit the classroom, the library and the gym. I had already met the teacher Mrs. L twice-once at parent orientation and then again the next day at student orientation, but Scott had not met her. While outside eating Scott kept commenting that we were probably the oldest parents there. I am not sure he is right about this. Yes many of the parents were much younger but I bet that some of them were our age. In fact we sat at a picnic table with a girl from Bella's class and her mom said she had five children and that the oldest was 18 so she was probably at least 40. I remember when I was little people use to always say my mom looked young. Of course when I was 5 my mom was only 27 and Bella is five and I am 45.

We went to Bella's classroom and saw the calendar area and some of the books they have read and the play area. Then as we were saying good-bye to Mrs. L she asked if she could talk to us for a minute. So she kind of pulled us aside (but still in the middle of a classroom that was pretty busy with parents and children) and told us that Bella was "attacking" other kids, hugging them, trying to pick them up touching them, could not keep her hands to herself etc. She also stated that Bella does not stay on task and if she says her name she does not respond and it is as if she did not hear her unless she gets down to her level. We listened to what she had to say but I wasn't feeling too good about it. We then went to the library-the Chicka Chicka Boom Boom Room and then to the Gym. The Gym teacher was not there and we were disappointed in that because we hear a lot about PE Gym and we were curious as to what they are doing during PE. I also forgot to ask the teacher about the curriculum as Bella keeps talking about Spanish and Sign Language. Other than that I know from papers she brings home they have covered the letters, A, B and M and the colors red and Yellow. They are talking about apples and Bees as they have a field trip to the orchard next week. Since starting school Bella has had a fund raiser & a scholastic book order and now they sent a note home with her asking for her immunization record. I had taken it with me on registration day but they did not ask for it and they hadn't mentioned it at orientation. I guess you suppose to know to bring it with you. I had misplaced it but found it the other night in the adoption file. Tomorrow they have the day off. She still seems to like school and riding the bus. Lets hope it keeps up-I on the other hand....

I am not so sure. School started late in our district because the teachers went on strike for more money. I guess I figure if the teachers-Bella's in particular think they are worth more money then I should be getting a darn good teacher! She has been teaching kindergarten for 8 years. I feel that if Bella was such a problem in class then she should have called me or at least sent a note home with me. We have parent teacher conference in a few weeks and I would like to go observe Bella's class and I think Scott should also go one day. I am sure that the fact that we are there may alter Bella's behavior but I think we should still go. I also did not like the tone the teacher used when talking to us. Prior to starting in the public School system Bella was at Pre-school/daycare at the Children's learning Center at the Hospital where I work. There were certainly times when her teachers there had to tell me about behavioral issues but I never felt like they didn't like my child just that they did not like the behavior. With Mrs. L I felt like she did not like my child! Now I know that teachers cannot like all the kids but still this is/was a hard thing for me to shake. We have certainly talked to Bella about her behavior and told her she cannot touch or hug the other kids and she says she is not. The other issue is a little harder. We have also noticed that sometimes when you speak to Bella it is totally as if she did not hear you. We have had her hearing checked so we know she can hear. I have also been told by other moms that their kids do this and I have actually seen other kids act like this. So is this just normal five year old behavior? Do I have something to worry about? Can I change this and If so how? I guess I worry more about this because Bella is adopted I am not sure if this is an attachment issue. I have certainly read that this is one behavior that is indicative of attachment issue. The teacher stated she has a hard time following instructions and staying on task-for example she might start coloring or writing but is then talking to her neighbor. I never heard about any of this in pre-school. One difference I know is that in Pre-school the School part was in the morning and then afternoon was nap and play time. Now she is in afternoon kindergarten could part of it just be getting use to a schedule where school time is the afternoon? Part of me just wants to take her out of school altogether. It is hard for me to let her go. You spend a lot of time telling your child not to go with strangers, not to talk to strangers (we do this a lot with Bella who has no stranger danger at all especially if the stranger has a dog or a baby) and then I send her off on a bus with a stranger to go to a school full of strangers. I know failure to have a healthy fear of strangers is also a sign of attachment issues. I am also afraid that the teacher is so focuses on the behavioral issues that she may fail to see at the great things about my daughter. To say the least I am upset and worried and to say the most I feel like I am failing as a mom to my beautiful Ukrainian princess. I know she is far better off with parents, family and friends than she was in the baby house, but has the 15 months she spent in the orphanage had effects on her that we have not overcome? Has she not really attached to us? Do we just not know what we are doing as parents or have we made some big mistake in discipline?

Honestly I don't know what to do. I will try to observe class next week and let you know.

VCR

I did not exercise today because I cannot get our VCR/DVD machine to switch from DVD mode to VCR mode. Scott says just push the button-well which button it is not like the remote or the machine have just one button that says push here. It was really frustrating.

The new season of the Biggest Loser started last night. Now I have always like this show. I wish it was on a different night however as we have swim lessons on Tuesday and I don't get home until the show is half over. I watched the end last night when we got home because even though Scott stated that he would set it to tape I don't trust that he did. IF he did I will watch it tonight. I have become somewhat skeptical of the whole show after the weigh in last night. One gentleman lost 31 pounds-It is not believable. He wasn't the largest contestant, he was in fact the oldest so what are the chances that this 62 year old really worked harder than younger folks with more to lose, especially when they say your metabolism slows down as you age? I know Bob is probably a good trainer in fact I would probably prefer his to either of the other two, but 31 pounds? He must of had weights in his underwear at the initial weigh in, and/or had drank a lot of water or had an impacted bowl/full stomach something-I just think 31 pounds in that amount of time is impossible.

After swimming Bella and I stopped at McDonald's so she could have an ice cream cone and we ran into a little girl from her class. They seemed happy to see each other and her friend was asking if Bella could come over and play. I told her I would have to discuss it with her mother. I am not sure I am ready for play dates at someone Else's house-especially someone we don't know. This girl evidently has a dog that poops and pees on the floor, a cat and a bunny and a little brother. Plus you don't know how well the kids will be watched or if they are watching inappropriate things on TV or the family uses inappropriate language or if they smoke or have guns in the home. Way too much for me to worry about, so I guess play dates will have to happen at our house.

Well I am off to work on my policy project.

Have a great day!

The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love

On September 10, 1988 I was sworn is as a United States Peace Corps Volunteer on the beach on the other side of the Atlantic in Libreville, Gabon. I was sworn in with 6 other volunteers; Cameron, John, Jonathan, Paul, Penny and Elizabeth. Soon after we were all shipped off to our respective posts to begin our tenure as fishery extension agents. John and I were sent south to Lebamba and Mekogeno. After just 6 weeks of French Training they dropped me off at my cement block house with no electricity and no running water. This was the adventure I had dreamed of. I struggled at first one with the language, I carried my French/English dictionary everywhere I went, I became proficient at expressing myself with a limited vocabulary, signs and drawing pictures on the little chalk board I carried in my backpack. Southern Gabon is very diverse as far as local languages go. My village spoke one language the next one out a different and the village after that a different language. I rode a motorcycle to and from the villages where I worked with fish farmers building and/or maintaining ponds. I also worked at the government fish station. I was the only white woman in my village. I almost always had an audience. I got to know the Boussougou family next door really well. I ate most of my evening meals with them. Gabon is a very beautiful country with beautiful people. I learned tons of things about myself and really enjoyed the experience despite having my outhouse floor collapse, hitting someone with my motorcycles and having malaria numerous times. Living in a third world country makes you really appreciate all that we have as Americans. It is nice to think back on my time in Africa and the friends I made and the lessons I learned. I like to look through my photos and remember the rain on the tin roof and the beautiful rainbows, the wonderful smell of the grapefruit trees in bloom and the sweetness of mangoes when in season. I remember all the people who befriended me including the priest at the catholic church who would invite me to Sunday dinner and my fish farmer in Memba who invited me to spend New Years with them. I remember learning not to ask what I was eating until I was done and the advantage of having a dimly lit dinning table with a dog underneath. I remember the excitement of the first time I stocked a new pond and the first time I harvested one as well. My fish farmers who often had very little almost always sent something home with me; eggs, bananas, peanuts etc. I remember always sleeping with my mosquito netting tucked in all around me and a flashlight under my pillow. I remember the boa constrictor that I saw in my out house once and my wonderful cat Bantu. I remember my fellow PC Volunteer Pamela who was a teacher in Ndende and spent the summer break with me while she did some work at the missionary hospital. I remember all the great kids who were part of my scout group. Yes the Peace Corps was the Toughest Job that I ever Loved and I came out the other side of the experience a better person. Thanks for letting me reminisce. I am going to try to get some pictures up once I find a way to scan them.

Happy Monday!

Hi I hope everyone had a good weekend.

I had a pretty good weekend so I am puzzled as to why I don't feel better this morning.

In Friday's mail we received a check from our insurance company to cover the water damage to our house from all the rain we had in August. This was a real relief for us as they had originally told us they would not pay for anything.

On Friday evening we went to Northpointe for a walk and then had ice cream at Culver's.

Saturday I went to an all day scrapbook event from 8:00 to 6:00. It was fun, I got 11 pages done and I even got up to exercise before I left. Scott took Isabella to the movie while I was out. Saturday evening we went out for ice cream at the place up the street. Bella and I also tried to learn some of the dances to High School Musical II, Scott thought we looked ridiculous.

Sunday Scott got up and went golfing. I went back to bed after he left until Bella got up. When she got up I said I needed to get my workout clothes on. She said she needed to get her work out clothes on as well. She put on the velour sweat suit she got for Christmas and she walked right along with me to my walk fitness tape. She is so adorable! She would do the video a little then sit down, then start back in. She had to use the stretchy band so I just walked during that part. Bella notices that the floor in the video was brown square tiles just like our porch floor-she is such a little smarty!

The Packers won-the Bears lost. That alone should have made for a great day. I tried to help Scott wash the pool and get it ready to put away for the winter. This pool has been a thorn in my side. First we had talked about getting Bella a pool for her birthday. But I was thinking of just one of those little blow up ones. Well Scott went and bought her one of those "Easy Set" pools-I'm sure you have seen then around as they are very popular. I guess it was on sale at Big Lots-to me it is just larger than what we need. It cannot be filled and then emptied everyday which is what we need as we have so many trees that the pool just gets full of leaves. Then I asked him if he got chemicals for it because the box said you needed them and it just makes sense that you cannot leave a pool of water just like it is as it would become full of slimy stuff. He seemed mad at me for pointing that out as if I made the requirement. I guess you can get a chlorine generator for these kinds of pools so Scott orders one of those for the pool cost him like 6 times what the pool costs. It comes and then cannot be used on the pool we have because the pump is too small. So he orders a larger pump and a cover. Meanwhile the pool is getting slimy, tons of leaves are falling in it and we get tons of rain. We are going on vacation so we empty the pool and the morning we are to leave for vacation I get up early, wipe the pool down and then put it over chairs on the sun porch to drive. Once back from vacation we took the pool back out to put it back up. Well I don't know how it assembles exactly and Scott doesn't do it himself so the pool lays out there in front of the garage for weeks getting rained on and dirty. Scott then mops down the pool and wants me to come help him fold it up because he does not know how to do it. Well neither do I, but I help him fold it up the best I can and we go to put it up in the storage area in the rafters of the garage, but Scott can't quite reach because the big ladder is still upstairs in the house where he left it weeks ago. So Scott climbs up on the rafters to push the pool up an the rafter breaks. Now he is really mad because it might fall down on his car mind you he is not worried that it might fall down on me but on his car. He moves the car out and then needs a hammer which despite the fact that he has 2 tool boxes and numerous hammers he cannot find, primarily because he never puts anything away after he uses it (see note about ladder above) I actually have put some commonly used tools like the hammer away in a box in the house so I go get it and he hammers a support piece of wood in place. Meanwhile I am getting eaten alive by mosquitoes-they sure are nasty right now! Then while Scott is watching the Bears Lose he wants me to make supper. I made Mediterranean Meatball pita sandwiches (If you like gyros, you would like these) The problem is Scott doesn't like onions and I just don't think they are as good without onions. I guess I am just frustrated by the fact that what he wants always seems to come first and he is not very in tune to what I might want or need.

I think I am one of those people who needs to get out in nature more to feel good, reduce stress etc. and I just don't seem to get that. First there isn't a park or forest preserve really close to the house and like I said the mosquitoes are so bad. I sure miss Gov. Dodge State Park where I use to hike all the time, plus Scott doesn't seem to enjoy this. I need to find a solution to this problem.

Incidentally one of the scrapbook pages I did on Saturday was our trip to the ocean when we were in Florida in November of 2004. Scott's comment on this page was he did not like the fact that I used a photo of him where his gut looked huge. Well if you don't like the way your gut looks in pictures (it hasn't gotten any better in the last few years) than do something about it. I chose not use the picture of me in my bathing suit because my gut looked huge! Bella was sure a cutie!

I got up this AM and did my walk fitness but I weighted myself and I weighed 210 Yikes that is a one pound gain. I guess Ice Cream 2 days in a row might do that to you. Well I am off to work on the policy project from hell. Hope everyone has a great day.

Shopping

Shopping is a love hate thing for me. I like to shop and I do a lot of shopping without buying things. I look a lot at scrapbook supplies, fabric, home decor and cute stuff for Bella. Scott will tell you one of my favorite stores is Michaels or Old Time Pottery, but I also like Tuesday morning, Gordmans, TJ Max, Marshalls, JoAnns Fabrics, Burlington Coat Factory, Bed, Bath and Beyond and Cost Plus, but I hardly ever get to go to these places. It is usually just the grocery store or Wal-Mart and seldom do I go anywhere without my munchkin in tow. A whole day just looking at these stores and maybe going out to lunch, spending time with just me or even a true friend like L. would be terrific. I did get a gift card for Michaels from my husband for my birthday. The kind of shopping I don't like is shopping for clothes for me! It is actually painful. Right before the wedding we went to in August I went out shopping for something to wear because my cute black cocktail dress I bought for my friend Teri's wedding can no longer be zipped up and the red dress I bought for Jennifer's wedding was too tight. I could have probably worn it, some people don't mind wearing something that is so tight that all their bulges, ripples and rolls are visible but I do mind. Bella and I headed out to Kohls to look for a skirt or dress. I tried on a lot of things, I think we made 8 trips to the dressing room. Bella was so good about going back and forth, although she kept asking about going to look at toys. It was not that I could not find something that fit, I could and mind you I was shopping the clearance racks, but I could not find anything that fit and looked good, foolish of me to think I could get both Huh? I found a skirt but then could not find a shirt. Then I found a shirt I liked but couldn't find a skirt. I was frustrating and time consuming. I finally settled on a print skirt in a size 18 that was somewhat loose at the waist but I needed that size to her over my huge butt, large hips and gigantic stomach. I bought a plain black knit shirt to go with it. It fit but it didn't look great because of all the bumps I have. A huge bump, or bumps that are my breasts and then an indentation for my waist and then another roll for the things I identified above. I also found a pair of Capri pants with a matching shirt and then a graphic knit shirt and a denim skort. So I bought 3 outfits total off the clearance racks in a shopping expedition that lasted hours. I paid with the 2 gift cards I had been carrying around in my wallet for months and ended up with 50 cents. I hate shopping for clothes for me! I would have probably given up but I knew I had nothing to wear to the wedding and I certainly could not go naked! Shopping for clothes for me means stripping down to my underwear in front of full length mirrors. Yuk! I do not know how women bigger than I am buy anything and forget getting anything attractive because once you get past size 16 manufacturers some how think that larger women want to wear the ugliest prints/colors on the planet. I know that when you are larger the primary goal is just to cover up but do I have to do it with such ugly stuff. Why can't they use similar designs and colors that they use in smaller garments?

Finally that same night I bought a pair of black panty hose to wear to the wedding as well. I don't feel really comfortable wearing a dress or skirt without hose, I know some people do but I don't. Who invented these torturous things? I got them on my feet with some major contortions as I need to bend over all the fat to get to my feet, they slid over my calfs and past my knees OK but then the problems started. The circumference of my thighs, whatever that might be was apparently larger that the stretch of these panty hose. I tugged and tugged and struggled and struggled, much to the amusement of my husband who did finally help me somehow lurch the top of those things over my fat fanny and up to my waist, however I was still left with a roll of extra panty hose mid thigh that was cutting off my circulation. I got them on and that is all I can say. Queen size my queen sized butt! I definitely did not feel like a queen, I felt more like a sausage. Despite all that we did make it to the wedding and the reception and had a great time. I definitely need to lose some weight if I am going to wear panty hose again. Darn things! Now you all know why I wear slacks to work, How they look and feel will have to be the subject of another post or maybe a post about putting on a bathing suit TEE HEE!

Speaking of shopping we went to Woodman's grocery shopping on Monday and for the first time we let Bella walk with us instead of ride in the cart she did really well. In the soup aisle I had put 4 cans of goldfish noodle soup in the cart and then Bella put in four more. I asked her what she was doing and she said " like this Kind" and she does as it seems to be her bed time snack of choice-an entire can of soup-What a silly girl. I let her have it as there are obviously worse things she could ask for and I don't want to send her to bed hungry. She has always been a soup girl although she seems to now eat the bits of chicken in the soup she use to eat the soup and then at the end spit out an entire mouthful of chicken, how she separated the chicken out and stored it in her mouth I will never know but as she use to say "I don't like Chicken".

For the record I did get up and did the 1 mile/15 min walk this morning and last night I did 25 sit ups-Bella counted for me and then she did 8. I also mopped both the living room and dinning room floors and they look nice so that always makes me feel better. I forgot my vitamin this morning.

The folks who installed our thermostat came yesterday to check out the error message on the thermostat but their manual did not tell them what error 90 meant so they had to call the company and they came back this morning and I think they are going to install a new unit. We will see. Work yesterday was frustrating as I was having system issues and a certain regulatory agency showed up to do an investigation on something that happened last week which made people really cranky. Today I will be loading more documents into our contract data base providing the computer system is working OK.

Thanks to L and T who sent me very nice emails in response to this site. I love you guys and glad you are my friends!

I Did It!

Good Morning!

I Did It! I got up this morning and exercised! I got up at 6:00 and did a walk fitness video. I know it was only a one mile walk and only 15 minutes but it is more than I have done in a long time. It was also harder for me than I though it would be. My plan is to do it again tomorrow. Yeah me! I also did 20 sit ups last night, again I know it is not a lot but I have to start somewhere. Boy do my big boobs get in the way!

I have been trying to eat healthier too, but know I have my work cut out for me in this area as well. I also remembered to take my vitamin this morning. I have the one a day weight smart but I have to be careful of when I take them because sometimes they upset my stomach.

As for overall health, I am still not feeling the greatest. My throat still hurts and has since last Friday. Scott looked at my throat with the flashlight but he said he did not think it looked red or like strep throat. I have not been running a fever but I have a cough and my ear still bothers me now and then and I definitely cannot hear on the right as well as the left.

Scott and I, at the request of the counselor have started writing things down in a notebook. Mostly things the other person needs to do or things about Bella. Like today our thermostat was blinking error and when I checked the manual it said we needed to call the service provider so I asked Scott to do that. Tomorrow Scott is having his brakes checked at a shop over by his moms and him and Bella will visit with her in the morning while the car is being worked on. I wonder how much that will cost and where the money will come from. Our budget right now is very tight as we have to pay off the rest of the furnace/air conditioner, and now after this last rain we need to fix the roof and now car repairs. I am afraid Christmas will be less than stellar this year.

Bella continues to do well in kindergarten and the babysitter says they love having her. The letter of the week this week in B-b and she has difficulty with this often making it a d instead so that ball becomes dall etc. We will need to work on that as well. She is obsessed by this snake color matching game that she got for her birthday from the Andersons. She wants to play it all the time!

I am still on the same miserable policy project that I have been on for months now. I know it will end but not sure when. I am not getting a lot of help in getting the missing policies to upload to the new site.

I guess that is all for today. Thanks for reading.

Happy Birthday to me!!

This past Saturday I celebrated my 45th birthday. I weighed myself first thing in the morning. I weighed 209 pounds. I have weighed more and I have definitely weighed less. At this point I would be happy to get below 200 pounds. It is a daunting task. It is not about knowledge. I definitely know how to eat better and I have a slew of exercise videos and we have equipment at our house as well. Time and tiredness are definitely factors. Really the only time I have to exercise is before work or after princess Isabella has gone to bed. I have always been more of a morning person. Bella goes to bed at 8:30 but exercising that late at night is not appealing to me. We do have a bike, a stair stepper and a trampoline so I could maybe try to do those while watching TV. Although I feel I should forgo TV in favor of house work, reading, writing etc. but I don't. Therefore my house is a mess, my weight is over 200 and I don't feel very good about myself. I also just don't feel good. I have had a cough for a long time, currently I have a sore throat and on Saturday my ear started hurting. I am also experiencing a lot of heart burn. I think that I am also emotionally tired as well. So my first post is really about nothing other than I turned 45 and I weight the same as I did last year on my birthday which means I accomplished nothing in the last year. I spoke to my dear friend L on Saturday and she sounds as if she is doing so much better. She is even enjoying a kick boxing class! Go L! Another dear friend P has signed up for LA weight loss so I hope she sees progress there. We have a weight watchers group at my place of employment but I can't see paying that kind of money for something I should be able to do myself. I also attended over eaters anonymous a few times but did not feel that I fit in there and I was not ready or capable of turning the issue over to God. I know I have some real emotional triggers and some foods I definitely turn to-primarily chips. I really want to lose weight to look and feel better. Lets hope I can do it.