Kindergarten has gotten ugly

Last Thursday night we had a family event at Isabella's school-Parker Center. Families were invited for hot dogs, chips and juice and given the opportunity to meet the teacher, visit the classroom, the library and the gym. I had already met the teacher Mrs. L twice-once at parent orientation and then again the next day at student orientation, but Scott had not met her. While outside eating Scott kept commenting that we were probably the oldest parents there. I am not sure he is right about this. Yes many of the parents were much younger but I bet that some of them were our age. In fact we sat at a picnic table with a girl from Bella's class and her mom said she had five children and that the oldest was 18 so she was probably at least 40. I remember when I was little people use to always say my mom looked young. Of course when I was 5 my mom was only 27 and Bella is five and I am 45.

We went to Bella's classroom and saw the calendar area and some of the books they have read and the play area. Then as we were saying good-bye to Mrs. L she asked if she could talk to us for a minute. So she kind of pulled us aside (but still in the middle of a classroom that was pretty busy with parents and children) and told us that Bella was "attacking" other kids, hugging them, trying to pick them up touching them, could not keep her hands to herself etc. She also stated that Bella does not stay on task and if she says her name she does not respond and it is as if she did not hear her unless she gets down to her level. We listened to what she had to say but I wasn't feeling too good about it. We then went to the library-the Chicka Chicka Boom Boom Room and then to the Gym. The Gym teacher was not there and we were disappointed in that because we hear a lot about PE Gym and we were curious as to what they are doing during PE. I also forgot to ask the teacher about the curriculum as Bella keeps talking about Spanish and Sign Language. Other than that I know from papers she brings home they have covered the letters, A, B and M and the colors red and Yellow. They are talking about apples and Bees as they have a field trip to the orchard next week. Since starting school Bella has had a fund raiser & a scholastic book order and now they sent a note home with her asking for her immunization record. I had taken it with me on registration day but they did not ask for it and they hadn't mentioned it at orientation. I guess you suppose to know to bring it with you. I had misplaced it but found it the other night in the adoption file. Tomorrow they have the day off. She still seems to like school and riding the bus. Lets hope it keeps up-I on the other hand....

I am not so sure. School started late in our district because the teachers went on strike for more money. I guess I figure if the teachers-Bella's in particular think they are worth more money then I should be getting a darn good teacher! She has been teaching kindergarten for 8 years. I feel that if Bella was such a problem in class then she should have called me or at least sent a note home with me. We have parent teacher conference in a few weeks and I would like to go observe Bella's class and I think Scott should also go one day. I am sure that the fact that we are there may alter Bella's behavior but I think we should still go. I also did not like the tone the teacher used when talking to us. Prior to starting in the public School system Bella was at Pre-school/daycare at the Children's learning Center at the Hospital where I work. There were certainly times when her teachers there had to tell me about behavioral issues but I never felt like they didn't like my child just that they did not like the behavior. With Mrs. L I felt like she did not like my child! Now I know that teachers cannot like all the kids but still this is/was a hard thing for me to shake. We have certainly talked to Bella about her behavior and told her she cannot touch or hug the other kids and she says she is not. The other issue is a little harder. We have also noticed that sometimes when you speak to Bella it is totally as if she did not hear you. We have had her hearing checked so we know she can hear. I have also been told by other moms that their kids do this and I have actually seen other kids act like this. So is this just normal five year old behavior? Do I have something to worry about? Can I change this and If so how? I guess I worry more about this because Bella is adopted I am not sure if this is an attachment issue. I have certainly read that this is one behavior that is indicative of attachment issue. The teacher stated she has a hard time following instructions and staying on task-for example she might start coloring or writing but is then talking to her neighbor. I never heard about any of this in pre-school. One difference I know is that in Pre-school the School part was in the morning and then afternoon was nap and play time. Now she is in afternoon kindergarten could part of it just be getting use to a schedule where school time is the afternoon? Part of me just wants to take her out of school altogether. It is hard for me to let her go. You spend a lot of time telling your child not to go with strangers, not to talk to strangers (we do this a lot with Bella who has no stranger danger at all especially if the stranger has a dog or a baby) and then I send her off on a bus with a stranger to go to a school full of strangers. I know failure to have a healthy fear of strangers is also a sign of attachment issues. I am also afraid that the teacher is so focuses on the behavioral issues that she may fail to see at the great things about my daughter. To say the least I am upset and worried and to say the most I feel like I am failing as a mom to my beautiful Ukrainian princess. I know she is far better off with parents, family and friends than she was in the baby house, but has the 15 months she spent in the orphanage had effects on her that we have not overcome? Has she not really attached to us? Do we just not know what we are doing as parents or have we made some big mistake in discipline?

Honestly I don't know what to do. I will try to observe class next week and let you know.