Wednesday, May 28, 2008

BROKEN

Last night Bella pulled a bag of groceries off the table along with the table cloth, candle holders and the cups and saucers to my hand painted tea set from Greece. The cups survived but the saucers didn't. I was quite upset. I saved all the pieces to put into a stepping stone. Thankfully the Tea pot was not on the table.

I know I have not blogged much lately. I guess I don't feel like putting myself out there right now as I am not doing very well emotionally and as a result of that I am not doing well with the diet either. I am hoping to find a way to turn this around but it hasn't happened yet.

Bella is finishing up her first year of school and will go to camp for the summer. Most of our Seattle vacation is set. My job is good, but a little boring, despite the excitement of having very rare triplets born at our hospital last week. weekends have been ok, the house is relatively clean. We watched the Rockford Marathon run past our house a couple of weekends ago and the parade last Saturday. We have been to the museum for the petting zoo event and to Klehm for a walk. Last weekend we attended a 50th wedding anniversary party for Scott's aunt and uncle. We had Scott's mom and her husband over on Memorial day for a cook out and I planted my window boxes. Not only amy I dealing with some minor physical ailment but I am so pathetic that the only people I had to spend a holiday with is Scott's mom and her husband who I don't like.

Friday, May 16, 2008

NEWS

Happy Friday!

Good News: Bella has has smiley faces all week. Scott took her to story time Monday, I took her to swimming on Tuesday (we went a half hour late because I mixed up the schedule but they still found a class for her) Wednesday night we were home with the kitty and last night we had T-ball pracitice followed by ice cream cones at McDonalds. I hope today is good too.

School is winding down. Bella has field day next Tuesday and the week after that is Portfolio day.

The cat is settleing nicely and Scott and Bella sure enjoy playing with her.

Our new Paralegal announced that she is expecting and Chris and I both told her that meant she had from now until January to get the policy data base up to date. I will have to take it back while she is on maternity. I am happy for her.

They announced this week that the new Survivor will be in Gabon. For those of you who may not know it I did my Peace Corps service in Gabon. So I am pretty excited about this even though I have not been a survivor fan in the past.

Last night was the season finale of ER so now I have no reason to watch TV for awhile. I am pretty excited about the new season of Army Wives even though my husband makes fun of me for watching it.

We have no real plans for the weekend at this point, we will probably take Bella to a movie. and I bought stuff for a picnic. Maybe I will see my niece and sister if they go up to see mom. It is also the weekend of the big flea market at the local fair grounds so I would like to go to that. I will let you know on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Mother's Day

Hi I hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day. I spent the weekend doing things I felt obligated to do instead of things I really wanted to do.

On Saturday Bella and I got up early and started to WI. We stopped for gas and ran into my friend Dena from work. Then we stopped at the Rotary Gardens in Janesville. As always it was beautiful and peaceful. We were only there about 25 min. I love the Rotary gardens-it is where Scott and I met for the first time.

We got to Dodgeville to visit my mom and my brother Mark showed up too. We took mom to Pizza Hut for lunch we all had pasta and it must have been good because we all cleaned our plates.

After lunch we returned to the nursing home and went to the Mother's day program of musical entertainment and dessert. After that Bella and I headed over to my Friend Pats for a visit. I had not seen her in awhile so it was great catching up. She has lost a bit of weight and looks terrific!

We did not get home until 10:00 and Bella felt the need to play with the cat for an hour before going to bed. She had slept the whole way in the car so she was not as tired as I was.

Mother's day morning was rainy and chilly. I made muffins and opened my cards. We had been invited to church with Scott's mom and her husband as it was Penticost Sunday and they were joining their church. I DID NOT WANT TO GO! I felt we should. We went I was uncomfortable. My plan was to keep Bella in Church with us. She had brought a color book and colors, But grandma asked he if she wanted to go to the nursery to play. This was my decision not hers! So Bella goes with grandma to the nursery and decides she wants to go there. In fact she said "I don't want you" to me on Mother's Day. Thanks a lot grandma. Now I am somewhere I don't want to be in the first place and my daughter does not want me. It gets better, I do not typically go to church on Mother's day because a few years back the priest said that a mother is someone who gives life to their children. Well I did not give life to my daughter therefore I am not a mother. That ticked me off so I avoid church on Mother's day, Well this Luthern minister was not one to disappoint. He said at least 3 times "Happy Mother's Day to Christian Mothers" This is not a Christian holiday and it is Mother's day for non Christian women in America as well. He also indicated that while no one else was sending aid to Myamar the Lutherns were obviously self serving but inaccurate. The service was long and boring. Scott has always told me that part of his problem with Catholic services is he can't follow because part of it was in one book and part was in the same book but in a different part and part was memorized and part was in the hymnal. Well we were in 2 different typed bulletins and a book and some was memorized and I never know what version of the apostles creed they will use. A horrible horrible experience for me. They were giving out flowers and cake I did not want these horrible peoples flowers or cake and now Carl and Donna are part of this horrible group! Heaven help them.

Scott had to work on Sunday so we just got KFC for lunch and then Bella and I came home and Carl and Donna came over to see our cat. Thankfully they did not stay long and then Bella and I went to Culvers for Ice Cream. After I put her to bed I took a long bath.

Last evening I went to the Healty Woman confrence sponsored by my hospital. I sat at a table with some people from work. The place right next to me was empty and the other side of me was a woman who use to work in PR at the hospital but now works at the YWCA. She was up and about most of the evening which left me no one to talk to. The food was pretty good. I did not like the salad dressing. The speaker was good and talked about a balanced life. We all got a copy of her cook book.

On a good note I have done most of my filing at work and finished most of my scanning so I am feeling less overwhelmed and more caught up which is a good thing.

Have a good day.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

WHY?

WHY does a thought of a chocolate donut pop into your head during a tae bo workout?

WHY do I pack a healthy lunch but then decide to go out and eat something calorific?

WHY do I set my alarm to get up and exercise and then just turn it off and go back to bed?

WHY has there been a gym bag under my desk for months but I have yet to exercise on my lunch?

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THE ANSWER!

And WHY your at it please tell me why my daughter cannot control her talking at school? And WHY my husband cannot be supportive in any of my endevours to lose weight? And WHY in a world as populated as it is do I feel so friendless? And finally WHY I get so teary when my co-worker who just burried her mother returns to work but yet I can't seem to tell her how sorry I am?

Things just stink right now. Yesterday I slept with my contact in by accident and then felt blurry eyed all day with a headache on top of that. I have the annoying cough that makes me pee my pants. I am tired!

Bella did do better as she had 2 days Monday and Tuesday with all smiles but then yesterday she had only 2 smiles and one frown so Scott told her she could not play with the cat. How do you enforce that? Yesterday Scott bought a couple of cat toys including a fishing pole with a mouse at the end which is providing hours of entertainment for the cat and for Scott and Bella who have never had a cat. Its a whole new world for them. Bella was explaining to me that you need to scoop out the litter box everyday. She is really enjoying having the cat.

Scott is frustrating me to no end. Last night it took me forever to clean up the kitchen because he had made blue berry pancakes and slopped it everywhere and let it dry up so it was a beast to clean up. Then he can't make a decision on what we are going to do on our trip to Seattle.

I guess I am just sad, tired, depressed, obese, disappointed and mad at myself.

On that note I will just get to work.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Good News

Yesterday was an early day for me, meaning I left work at 3:20 so I could get home in time to meet the school bus. Bella got off the bus all smiles and had three smiley faces on her daily note. This is really big news.

Yesterday our new addition decided to hide in the fireplace. Needless to say when Scott hauled her out she was dirty and dusty! He gave her a shower! I am still in disbelief that he gave a cat a shower and then dried her off with the hair dryer. Scott has since covered up the fireplace opening with the baby gate we had been storing in the garage. Yesterday when I got home she was on the bottom shelf in the bathroom which is where Scott had left her. I left her there when I went to bed and Scott stated that she was still there when he got home and she was still there this morning when I got up. She has also eaten something. We were getting a little worried about that. Scott and Bella are taking her to the vet this afternoon just for a once over. Hopefully things will be fine.

Since Bella was so good at school yesterday she got to play with the cat. She sat on the love seat with Isis in her lap for a whole hour watching Arthur on TV while I worked out. Yes I worked out twice yesterday and once this morning. Go me!

We also walked up to the library last night for story time. Bella was a little wild (she seeems to get that way when Colin is there) and has a hard time leaving baby Brianna alone.

Lets hope today is a good day at school as well. We have swimming lessons tonight.

I have been doing research on what things we might want to do in Seattle and Victoria Island when we head out west in June. They have quite a few light houses, hopefully we will get to see atleast one.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Adoption

This past weekend we adopted a kitten into our family. We got her at Pet Land. She is 9 months old and all black and her name is Isis. Bella was practically squealing as we left the pet store as she was so excited. The poor cat hated the carrier and cried and cried until we took her out. She has been hiding a lot and this morning I found her behind the dryer. I pulled the dryer out and she did come out while I was eating breakfast. Scott called me a little bit ago and She was hiding under the book case. She is really friendly when she comes out and likes to be petted. Hopefully she will adjust to her new environment. Last night we cooked on the grill and ate outside and then I decided it was time to clean out the sandbox as it was fully of slimmy water and leaves. While I was doing that our neighbors behind us dog got out, he is always out. I don't like big dogs so I ran for the house. This dog jump the fence just like he is a deer.

In other news-Saturday I went to an all day scrap and I did 14 pages. I finished our vacation pictures and did the first day of school and some of the Easter pictures too. Next I hope to do T-ball, Ukraine Fest, and Halloween and the apple orchard. After that it will probably be the lighthouse tour, Jennifer and Dan's wedding and Bella's baptism. I have yet to do a christmas page. It is good to have the time to myself.

Bella had 3 smiley faces on Friday! At least the week ended well. Saturday evening grandma came over and watched Bella so Scott and I could go to the movie. We saw "Fools Gold" it was good but fairly predictable.

One of the women I work with at the hospital mother died over the weekend. We knew she was not doing well, but is still sad. This womens heritage is Ukrainian and I actually met her at Ukraine Fest a few years ago. They are asking for donations to the Ukraine Museum instead of flowers. We plan to make a donation.

Back at work today. I got up and did some Tae Bo and we will see how the rest of the week goes.

Friday, May 2, 2008

TGIF

It is Friday and I am so sleepy today.

Yesterday was another day of misbehavior for our princess. She had one smiley face and two sad faces on her note so again no TV. Last night was our first night of T-ball practice. It went really well but it sure tired me out!

Today both bosses are out so I have been working on scanning contracts-very boring work, but someone has to do it and I am way behind in this task.

I did get up and exercise this morning too and I stayed up to watch ER last night so all of that is probably contributing to my sleepyness.

Tomorrow I am going to go to an all day scrap book event and yesterday my SIL sent a few pictures from our trip to Branson so I should be able to finish the vacation book tomorrow. I also plan on taking some other randum pages to work on.

No other real plans for the weekend so we will just see what happens.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Worst day as a mother yet

Last April Bella came down with the flu and honestly I thought that was my worst day of mothering ever (you can check out the post in our adoption blog linked on this blog. However last Saturday was by far a worse day.

Last Friday my niece and god daughter turned 16 and I wanted to get her a special piece of jewelry so Bella and I went to Crimson Ridge. I don't think I have ever taken Bella there because it is an upscale store and they do not have carts. I did put Bella on the harness. I thought she was being really good there and even told her that. what I found out Saturday morning was something else. On Saturday as we were getting ready to go to Ice Skating she fell and hurt herself. As I was comforting her I noticed something in her pocket. I pulled out a pink crystal bracelet and two tubes of lip gloss with crimson ridge price tags. My heart sunk! I was so angry with her. So after Skating we went back to Crimson Ridge and asked for the manager and then she gave them back and apologized and asked them not to call the police. I was so embarassed! As a consequence Bella did not get to go to her friends birthday party. Then Monday when I cleaned out her backpack there was a empty pack of gum with a hobby lobby price tag on it (we had been to the Hobby Lobby Friday too) She said it was from Taylor at school and Scott believes she may be telling the truth but I think she stole that as well. This is frustrating! I am not sure what to do and I am so upset by the whole thing that I cry. I have a sister that is/was a thief and I don't trust her to this day, I certainly don't want a daughter who is a thief. I don't want to take her to any store ever again. I was too afraid to take her to Woodmans Tuesday after swimming which is our normal routine because even in the cart or on the tail she could take something. I hope she learned her lesson but I am not sure. I feel like such a failure and it is not just the stealing but we are experiencing problem after problem at school. Last Thursday on the school field trip to the Library she hit another student. According to Bella the student "budged" in line in front of her. Yesterday her note stated that she was name calling. When I asked her about it she said she told Taylor she was being Rude. Well telling someone they are rude is not really name calling especially if they are being rude. We have taken away TV, We have reduced snacks, taken away her music and lamp at night (she is actually sleeping better without them) We have threatened to take down the swings and put her bike back up. I made her write an apology letter to her teacher. She has to work on workbook pages instead of playing. What can I do to help my child behave at School? How have I failed to instill in her what is right and wrong? How will I ever feel comfortable taking her places again. We still have swimming for the next two months because I paid for it but I plan to take July and August off. She starts T-ball practice tonight, at this point I wish we had not gotten involved with this but I really don't feel I can just pull her out as I am the team coach.

I am frustrated, angry, sad depressed and still fat.

I got up to exercise this morning and I weighted 210.5 I need to keep on this weight loss path. We go on vacation in 6 weeks-which has me stressed out about money. It seems like we have no money to do anything around the house and we need to add to our budget $120/week for summer camp for the months of June, July and August. I honestly don't know how I get throught the day anymore>

One of my goals for April was to always have a clean coffee table, dinning table and sink and counter the whole month and I was able to do that so I am proud of myself for that and as a consequence the whole house stayed neater.

I will try to write more often this month.