This morning I was surprised at how warm it is outside. It is still dark when we get up in the morning and I think it had rained most of the night and the wind blew as well so that more leaves have fallen and you can hardly tell I raked. It looks dark and dreary and cold but it wasn't cold but rather warm and the forcast is for drier weather for the weekend.
last night I finished Bella's bat costume and I think it turned out really cute. I did not finish Scott's costume or get my milk jug skeleton done and tonight we are going to trunk or treat at the hospital and then we have to carve our pumpkins and I have to pack the care with cleaning and repair supplies to head to Dville tomorrow morning.
Last night I went to let the dog out and it was raining so she was hesitating at the open door and while she was doing that the cat streaked out the door. In the rain and darkness I could not find our black cat, nor could I find a working flash light. Now the dog decides to go out in the rain and I am out there in the rain calling ISIS, Here kitty, Kitty like a lunatic and Bella is in the house bawling her head off because we have lost the cat. I finally went in and left the front door to the porch open and thankfully she came back, and she was drier than either the dog or myself so I don't know where she had been hiding.
Back at work today. I guess our AA is driving our other paralegal nuts too! oh and they canceled the bosses day potluck we had scheduled for today and rescheduled it for Monday but left me off the email-great!
Here is hoping that you all have a great Halloween weekend.
obese girl out.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Better Day
Today I am feeling better then I did yesterday. I am not sure where all tha emotion and pain came from. I know we are in between my mom's funeral and the date we did the inurnment and I have been dreaming a lot about my mom. In one dream only Sonya and I could see her and no one else could but she did not want to see me only Sonya. Maybe I am all emotional because I will be heading to Dville early Saturday morning so I can help do more cleaning at my dad's house so the house can go on the market. I am doing it because I feel I should not because I want to. I guess they do not think the house is worth as much as we thought it might be but these are tough economic times. My plan is to be there by 9:00 am and to leave by 2:30 pm so I can be home for trick or treating. I had planned on having Saturday to do a few things too, like carving our pumpkins but now we will have to do that Friday night.
Last night I was out raking leave until almost 7 and the munchkin was being her usual unrully bratty self. She did seem to get a handle on her behavior for the last hour before bed.
After getting Bella in the tub I vaccumed the upstairs and the steps and emptied the dish washer and while I had a lot more stuff to do I was tired and went to bed, of course that means I have a lot more to do tonight, and Sunday will have to be busy as well with cleaning the basement and I still cannot get my car into the garage.
While I often feel friendless these days but I know I am still blessed by a husband and child who love me and some friends that have been there for me for a long time.
better today, certainly less tears.
Obese girl out
Last night I was out raking leave until almost 7 and the munchkin was being her usual unrully bratty self. She did seem to get a handle on her behavior for the last hour before bed.
After getting Bella in the tub I vaccumed the upstairs and the steps and emptied the dish washer and while I had a lot more stuff to do I was tired and went to bed, of course that means I have a lot more to do tonight, and Sunday will have to be busy as well with cleaning the basement and I still cannot get my car into the garage.
While I often feel friendless these days but I know I am still blessed by a husband and child who love me and some friends that have been there for me for a long time.
better today, certainly less tears.
Obese girl out
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Where oh where
If anyone our there reads this you may be wondering where I have been. Well I have been living day to day the best I can and honestly the best I can is not very good these days. I have been having issues at work with a co-worker that have me upset and when I am upset I tend to eat. Yesterday I ate an entire bag of potato chips (1,600 calories).
For years now I have been taking a shopping trip with 3 of my other siblings. It has always worked out great, we get a lot of shopping done and we get it done well before Christmas and it is always good to have your niece or nephew's mom there to bounce gift idea off of, as well as sizing color preference etc. This year we scheduled it for the first weekend in November. My husband has to work but I thought my mother-in-law could watch Bella, well now it seems that Donna is going to Houston to visit the new baby and with the loss of so many friends lately I don't have anyone to ask. I sent an email yesterday stating that I did not think I would be able to go. In some ways I am disappointed because I do have a lot of shoppint to get out of the way (2 nieces and 4 nephews on my side and 4 nieces on Scott's side, plus Bella, Scott and his mom, brother and SIL.) And in the past we have always had a nice time visiting, going out to eat etc. In some ways I am relieved not to be going. Since my mom's death things have changed in my relationship with some of my siblings and they have deteriorated even more since my niece's wedding and then my dad passing. I am for the most part unsure of who of my siblings I can trust. How many of my siblings believe as my dad did that Bella is not a "real" grandchild (or niece as the case may be)? Who of my family is telling Michael's wife that I "don't like her". How many believe it was right to leave Bella's name off my dads obituary? Why are people so sure they have the "real" gist of the conversation I had with my dad about my mom's obituary.
I said then and I still stand by the fact that my mom and subsequently my dad's obituary should have read 3 great grand children or alternatively 3 great grand children and 4 step great grand children and that my daughter should have been listed as a grandchild. Instead they listed 7 great grand children and left Bella off because she is not "real" well than how in the hell are Teri's 4 kids from her previous marriage great grand children? They are not "real" great grand kids are they? Bella is real, no I did not give birth to her and she does not have my DNA but she has our name, we have a court decree and a foreign birth certificate and an Illinois birth certificate that says I am her mother and that is real. I have never said that Michael does not treat Teri's kids as his own, but there last name is not Spink,and he has not adopted them. If he had adopted them I would not have objected to the wording in the obituaries. But my father also told me that if he adopted them it would be the same as for me and I can tell you it would not be the same. Wanting a child and being willing to jump through hoops to get one is not the same as adopting your spouse's children from her previous marriage because it makes things easier or it is the "right thing to do". And in the end my dad told me that adoption doesn't make Bella a "real" grandchild so it would not make them "real" great grand kids either. In retrospect I have a couple of things that I wish would have happened. First I wish my parents would have owned up to the fact that they did not see Bella as the same as the other grandkids years ago, so I could have cut off all ties with them years ago and avoided some of this mess. Second I wish that my siblings would have had enough respect for me to ask me what happened instead of just assuming that what they heard second or third hand was the truth. Finally in retrospect I wish I would have skipped my dads funeral, I did not belong there. I approach every interaction with my family these days with aprehension. I am afraid to run into Teri, for fear she will start in on me again and I might not walk away but really let her have it. I am at a loss to understand how my sister Sonya can be so accepting of Michael and his brood including the twins out of wedlock. Honestly when you struggle to grow your family by either fertility treatments or adoption you gain a whole new appreciation for what a gift a child can be compared to some folks who just pop them out on some irresponsible whim.
We are also planning our annual cookie day in December. Scott is off and it is ok to bring Bella or at least I think it is. Maybe my non-"real" daughter isn't permitted there either. My MIL was advocating for an invitation to go to cookie day. She said she had "so much fun the last time" to me she was a pain in the ass and had the nerve to tell me later that she "was uncomfortable with they way I spoke to my siblings about Scott" Well at the time I thought well too bad, these are the people I am most comfortable with and I will say what I want to them, and it you don't like it well too bad. But now I am leary of saying anything to most of my siblings too. I still believe my sister Shelly is trustworthy, but it really hurts me that I know Sonya and Dave aren't and that I am unsure about Mark and Carol.
What a mess this whole thing is and what a mess I am. I am eating like crap, the scale still says 218, I want to just sleep, I am not enjoying my job as one day they expect too much from me and the next they don't think I am capable of doing anything. I don't like the administrative assistant acting like she is the boss. I am swamped with keeping things organized, writing contracts, reviewing contracts etc and the AA is doing what? answering the phone, keeping the general councils schedule and assigning work to me. She is a paralegal too, can't she do something?
My house is a mess, including the basement and the fire place guy is coming in a week and will need to be able to at least walk down there. I am being a bad mom and yelling a lot, losing my patients etc. Bella's behavior in return is bad. We are constantly at battle about eating, watching tv, playing on the computer, picking up toys and clothes, doing homework, going to bed, playing mean with the dog, etc.
Life just keeps getting better and better.
more from obese girl later
For years now I have been taking a shopping trip with 3 of my other siblings. It has always worked out great, we get a lot of shopping done and we get it done well before Christmas and it is always good to have your niece or nephew's mom there to bounce gift idea off of, as well as sizing color preference etc. This year we scheduled it for the first weekend in November. My husband has to work but I thought my mother-in-law could watch Bella, well now it seems that Donna is going to Houston to visit the new baby and with the loss of so many friends lately I don't have anyone to ask. I sent an email yesterday stating that I did not think I would be able to go. In some ways I am disappointed because I do have a lot of shoppint to get out of the way (2 nieces and 4 nephews on my side and 4 nieces on Scott's side, plus Bella, Scott and his mom, brother and SIL.) And in the past we have always had a nice time visiting, going out to eat etc. In some ways I am relieved not to be going. Since my mom's death things have changed in my relationship with some of my siblings and they have deteriorated even more since my niece's wedding and then my dad passing. I am for the most part unsure of who of my siblings I can trust. How many of my siblings believe as my dad did that Bella is not a "real" grandchild (or niece as the case may be)? Who of my family is telling Michael's wife that I "don't like her". How many believe it was right to leave Bella's name off my dads obituary? Why are people so sure they have the "real" gist of the conversation I had with my dad about my mom's obituary.
I said then and I still stand by the fact that my mom and subsequently my dad's obituary should have read 3 great grand children or alternatively 3 great grand children and 4 step great grand children and that my daughter should have been listed as a grandchild. Instead they listed 7 great grand children and left Bella off because she is not "real" well than how in the hell are Teri's 4 kids from her previous marriage great grand children? They are not "real" great grand kids are they? Bella is real, no I did not give birth to her and she does not have my DNA but she has our name, we have a court decree and a foreign birth certificate and an Illinois birth certificate that says I am her mother and that is real. I have never said that Michael does not treat Teri's kids as his own, but there last name is not Spink,and he has not adopted them. If he had adopted them I would not have objected to the wording in the obituaries. But my father also told me that if he adopted them it would be the same as for me and I can tell you it would not be the same. Wanting a child and being willing to jump through hoops to get one is not the same as adopting your spouse's children from her previous marriage because it makes things easier or it is the "right thing to do". And in the end my dad told me that adoption doesn't make Bella a "real" grandchild so it would not make them "real" great grand kids either. In retrospect I have a couple of things that I wish would have happened. First I wish my parents would have owned up to the fact that they did not see Bella as the same as the other grandkids years ago, so I could have cut off all ties with them years ago and avoided some of this mess. Second I wish that my siblings would have had enough respect for me to ask me what happened instead of just assuming that what they heard second or third hand was the truth. Finally in retrospect I wish I would have skipped my dads funeral, I did not belong there. I approach every interaction with my family these days with aprehension. I am afraid to run into Teri, for fear she will start in on me again and I might not walk away but really let her have it. I am at a loss to understand how my sister Sonya can be so accepting of Michael and his brood including the twins out of wedlock. Honestly when you struggle to grow your family by either fertility treatments or adoption you gain a whole new appreciation for what a gift a child can be compared to some folks who just pop them out on some irresponsible whim.
We are also planning our annual cookie day in December. Scott is off and it is ok to bring Bella or at least I think it is. Maybe my non-"real" daughter isn't permitted there either. My MIL was advocating for an invitation to go to cookie day. She said she had "so much fun the last time" to me she was a pain in the ass and had the nerve to tell me later that she "was uncomfortable with they way I spoke to my siblings about Scott" Well at the time I thought well too bad, these are the people I am most comfortable with and I will say what I want to them, and it you don't like it well too bad. But now I am leary of saying anything to most of my siblings too. I still believe my sister Shelly is trustworthy, but it really hurts me that I know Sonya and Dave aren't and that I am unsure about Mark and Carol.
What a mess this whole thing is and what a mess I am. I am eating like crap, the scale still says 218, I want to just sleep, I am not enjoying my job as one day they expect too much from me and the next they don't think I am capable of doing anything. I don't like the administrative assistant acting like she is the boss. I am swamped with keeping things organized, writing contracts, reviewing contracts etc and the AA is doing what? answering the phone, keeping the general councils schedule and assigning work to me. She is a paralegal too, can't she do something?
My house is a mess, including the basement and the fire place guy is coming in a week and will need to be able to at least walk down there. I am being a bad mom and yelling a lot, losing my patients etc. Bella's behavior in return is bad. We are constantly at battle about eating, watching tv, playing on the computer, picking up toys and clothes, doing homework, going to bed, playing mean with the dog, etc.
Life just keeps getting better and better.
more from obese girl later
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Last day of work this week
Today is my last day of work this week. I have taken tomorrow off to head to hometown, WI. I plan on getting there around noon. I am not sure what I will be doing but I will try to do whatever may be necessary to get ready for Saturday's auction of my parents stuff. I will stay overnight and come home Saturday after everything is done or until I am fed up with the whole business which ever comes first.
Not expecting it to be fun, I am guessing it will be stressful and I will be glad when it is over.
Obese girl out
Not expecting it to be fun, I am guessing it will be stressful and I will be glad when it is over.
Obese girl out
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)