Doctor Update

Yesterday I had to see my new doctor again for a pap and a follow up on my lab results. He had called me with the lab results a week or so ago. My blood glucose was slightly high at 104 they want it under 100. My iron was good, my thyroid was good. My cholesterol however was not good at 228 I guess it is suppose to be under 150. To deal with my persistent cough my doctor put me on a acid reflux med and on Claratin suspecting that either acid reflux or an allergy were responsible for my coughing. I have felt significantly better since starting these meds-little to no coughing, a lot less sneezing, no heartburn and no stuffyness in the morning and as a bonus with the lack of coughing and sneezing I am no longer experiencing the incontinence problem either. My mamogram came back good. My doctor told me that if I wanted to diet and exercise he would not put me on a cholesterol medicine. I really don't want to take more than the 2 pills I take daily already. My doctor wanted me to lose 3 pound between my last visit and yesterday and I did going from 219 to 216. He was happy with that but I certainly wish it was more. I need to go back and have a re-check of my Cholesterol in December which means between now and then I need to exercise and diet and lose more weight. I know I have to do this. They are having a weight watchers at work open house next Monday. I have so put off joining but maybe that is what I need to do to remain accountable. It is a 17 week program and I can pay for it with a payroll deduction. I am thinking about doing it. Scott is not very optomistic about this but in general he is not very supportive or enthusiastic about my efforts. I had wanted to take a yoga class but since it was on the night Bella has tumbeling. I plan on ordering a video. I have also failed to check into using the exercise equipment here at the hospital which I could maybe do on my lunch.

I have been seeing a therapist for awhile now, trying to get a handle on how I have failed my daughter as a mom and how I can help her. School this year is not really going better than it did last year. She is still in trouble for talking, touching and getting out of her seat and failing to use the scissors properly. I have spoken to her teacher about the fact that she is a post institutional child and some of the behaviors may be related to that. Her teacher tells me she is very bright and has a great vocabulary. I do like her teacher and feel that she is willing to work with us. Lately at home we have had issues as well-especially with defiant and sassy behavior. I did run into a Lifelink family over the weekend at the apple orchard and I was discussing the problems we are having with the mom and her thought was that just because these behaviors are "normal" the path by which Bella got there and the path by which other kids get to this so called "normal" are different and therefore the way to handle this behavior also needs to be different. This makes sense to me. This mom also told me that if the therapist I am seeing doesn't believe that Bella's behaviors are adoption related maybe I need a different therapist. Maybe I do because she does not seem to be helping me with some of the other issues I am having either. Lack of motivation to lose weight when I really need it, little help with my situation of feeling like I have no friends and I am not friend worthy and that someone I thought was my closest friend doesn't even want to be friends with me anymore. She does not seem to be helping me with my relationship with my husband-I did not sign on to have to write everything down, or to have the man I love choose to watch TV istead of having sex with me. and I still feel lost spiritually. Sometimes I don't like myself very much. I think I am an awful wife, awful mother, terrible friend, terrible house keeper and not even a good employee sometimes, becaue I am so distracted by everything else going on. This post has obviously gone off track so I am ending it.